Man, I suck in relationships.
No wait, before I get misconstrued for my earlier statement, allow me to explain myself.
I suck, meaning, I can't seem to hold on to a relationship that long. Either that, or I am so dense that I don't realize that -- to borrow a line from Disney's Beauty and the Beast -- there's something there that wasn't there before.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not frigid. I am a sucker for sweet nothings and lazy meandering evening walks,
But hey, I'm not exactly advertising myself either.
Lord knows I tried to make my past relationships work. Heck, I even married and had a child with one of them. Unfortunately, one thing or another just gets in the way of our relationship, and I end up breaking up with my past loves.
Well, except for the very first one. He was the one who broke up with me. For the record.
However, I believe that I'm now zooming in on what's the real culprit for my suckiness in relationships, thanks to a childhood friend of mine.
THE BACKGROUND
He's around two to three years younger than me. We both grew up in a tenement-style apartment building in the City of Manila. His family lived on the first floor, while we lived on the second floor.
We used to play house and other children's games with the rest of the kids on our block. Every single time, he would always be on my side of the team matchups.
Sometimes, my cousins who are just around my age would come over to visit and play with me. I would offer to tag him along in our games but every time, he would decline. Turns out, he was jealous of my cousins and felt left out.
We eventually grew up and grew away from each other -- he to pursue his degree in Mechanical Engineering and me to make good my career in mass media.
Both of us also eventually moved away from that apartment where we grew up.
He ended up getting married and settling in Canada.
I ended up separated with an octogenarian mother and a teenage daughter.
RECONNECTING
After leaving `our apartment in Manila, I immediately headed for my mom's province in Leyte to build a new life there.
I also broke off ties I had with everyone I knew in Manila.
And I lost track of my dear playmate.
Several more years later, I decided to return to the city I left to work again.
In the first few weeks since my arrival in Manila, I decided to visit my old neighborhood.
The apartment was still there, but none of my childhood friends were.
After a short reunion with another playmate of ours, we decided to reconnect with the rest of our childhood gang via Facebook.
That time, I wasn't much of a Facebook user so I wasn't able to really search for our friends.
It was he who found me on Facebook. He was so excited to have found me that he even had to call me.
Once again, we found each other.
THEN ONE DAY...
Every now and then, we'd chat like there was no tomorrow, bridging the distance and reconnecting the gap between us. Sometimes, he'd share his problems with me, and I was always the big sister to him, always ready to offer advice and a listening ear.
One time, he asked we what could have happened if we ended up married to each other instead. I dismissed the thought as I still saw him as the little boy in red shorts who would sometimes pee along the gutters, the little boy who I cheered for during neighborhood junior basketball leagues, the little boy who insisted being my teammate during street football games.
Then about two weeks ago, he PMed me.
His wife was attending a wedding in another state. He was all alone at home (they don't have kids), and he saw me online on Facebook,
He found the most opportune time to finally drop the bomb -- that he wanted us to be "friends and lovers."
Then it was just one bomb after another. He admitted that he had a long-standing crush on me as early as our elementary days. He said he fell deeper when we got to high school, but by that time, he became gun-shy. He still never said anything and suffered in silence as he saw boy after boy passing by their apartment unit on their way to visit/court me. He eventually met other girls and redirected his feelings toward them until he met his present-day wife.
My fingers were frozen in mid-press.
When my brain managed to process his revelations, I asked -- no, screamed at him (in all caps) as to why he told me all of this just now.
His answer was like an epiphany.
I intimidated him. He said he found me too smart for a mere mortal like him.
WHAAAAAATTTT?! *facepalm*
THE PRICE I PAY
So all this time, my childhood friend had a thing for me, and I scared him away because -- I'm too smart for him?
Actually, I also heard this from another old flame. According to him, he got emasculated by my "being too smart."
So I guess it's true what recent studies say about intelligent women usually ending up single.
Holy crap.
So going back to my bomb-dropping childhood friend. I did ask him, "What now?"
Oh, the man has plans. He wants to come home to the Philippines just to see me, and just for that moment, forget reality existed.
Holy crap.
However, he may only get the chance to do so around two years from now.
Great. He flirts like the devil with me, then tells me he couldn't come home yet?
Holy crap.
I knocked him on the head (virtually, of course), and told him that if he didn't get too insecure about my brain, I probably would have been the woman with him in Canada right now. And with kids.
He broke down in tears. Or at least that was the reason he gave for the pregnant pause after I sent that particular line in our chat.
So now what I'm seeing before me is a long, sad line of lost chances. His revelation is the latest addition to the line.
All because I was too smart.
And this is the reason behind most, if not all of, my failed relationships.
Holy crap.
But hey, I'm not exactly advertising myself either.
Lord knows I tried to make my past relationships work. Heck, I even married and had a child with one of them. Unfortunately, one thing or another just gets in the way of our relationship, and I end up breaking up with my past loves.
Well, except for the very first one. He was the one who broke up with me. For the record.
However, I believe that I'm now zooming in on what's the real culprit for my suckiness in relationships, thanks to a childhood friend of mine.
THE BACKGROUND
He's around two to three years younger than me. We both grew up in a tenement-style apartment building in the City of Manila. His family lived on the first floor, while we lived on the second floor.
We used to play house and other children's games with the rest of the kids on our block. Every single time, he would always be on my side of the team matchups.
Sometimes, my cousins who are just around my age would come over to visit and play with me. I would offer to tag him along in our games but every time, he would decline. Turns out, he was jealous of my cousins and felt left out.
We eventually grew up and grew away from each other -- he to pursue his degree in Mechanical Engineering and me to make good my career in mass media.
Both of us also eventually moved away from that apartment where we grew up.
He ended up getting married and settling in Canada.
I ended up separated with an octogenarian mother and a teenage daughter.
RECONNECTING
After leaving `our apartment in Manila, I immediately headed for my mom's province in Leyte to build a new life there.
I also broke off ties I had with everyone I knew in Manila.
And I lost track of my dear playmate.
Several more years later, I decided to return to the city I left to work again.
In the first few weeks since my arrival in Manila, I decided to visit my old neighborhood.
The apartment was still there, but none of my childhood friends were.
After a short reunion with another playmate of ours, we decided to reconnect with the rest of our childhood gang via Facebook.
That time, I wasn't much of a Facebook user so I wasn't able to really search for our friends.
It was he who found me on Facebook. He was so excited to have found me that he even had to call me.
Once again, we found each other.
THEN ONE DAY...
Every now and then, we'd chat like there was no tomorrow, bridging the distance and reconnecting the gap between us. Sometimes, he'd share his problems with me, and I was always the big sister to him, always ready to offer advice and a listening ear.
One time, he asked we what could have happened if we ended up married to each other instead. I dismissed the thought as I still saw him as the little boy in red shorts who would sometimes pee along the gutters, the little boy who I cheered for during neighborhood junior basketball leagues, the little boy who insisted being my teammate during street football games.
Then about two weeks ago, he PMed me.
His wife was attending a wedding in another state. He was all alone at home (they don't have kids), and he saw me online on Facebook,
He found the most opportune time to finally drop the bomb -- that he wanted us to be "friends and lovers."
Then it was just one bomb after another. He admitted that he had a long-standing crush on me as early as our elementary days. He said he fell deeper when we got to high school, but by that time, he became gun-shy. He still never said anything and suffered in silence as he saw boy after boy passing by their apartment unit on their way to visit/court me. He eventually met other girls and redirected his feelings toward them until he met his present-day wife.
My fingers were frozen in mid-press.
When my brain managed to process his revelations, I asked -- no, screamed at him (in all caps) as to why he told me all of this just now.
His answer was like an epiphany.
I intimidated him. He said he found me too smart for a mere mortal like him.
WHAAAAAATTTT?! *facepalm*
THE PRICE I PAY
So all this time, my childhood friend had a thing for me, and I scared him away because -- I'm too smart for him?
Actually, I also heard this from another old flame. According to him, he got emasculated by my "being too smart."
So I guess it's true what recent studies say about intelligent women usually ending up single.
Holy crap.
So going back to my bomb-dropping childhood friend. I did ask him, "What now?"
Oh, the man has plans. He wants to come home to the Philippines just to see me, and just for that moment, forget reality existed.
Holy crap.
However, he may only get the chance to do so around two years from now.
Great. He flirts like the devil with me, then tells me he couldn't come home yet?
Holy crap.
I knocked him on the head (virtually, of course), and told him that if he didn't get too insecure about my brain, I probably would have been the woman with him in Canada right now. And with kids.
He broke down in tears. Or at least that was the reason he gave for the pregnant pause after I sent that particular line in our chat.
So now what I'm seeing before me is a long, sad line of lost chances. His revelation is the latest addition to the line.
All because I was too smart.
And this is the reason behind most, if not all of, my failed relationships.
Holy crap.
