Fifty Shades of Madness in the Philippines

The book. (Photo from TheGuardian.com)

Note: This writer has not yet seen the movie, but has read the book. All the books of the series, for that matter. Thus, allow me to emphasize that this is not a review of the movie. It's something much more.

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As of this very moment, the movie adaptation of the outrageously popular book, Fifty Shades of Grey, is raking in the big bucks on local shores in this season of hearts and motel bookings.

Some will say that they are watching/have watched the movie out of curiosity, especially with the PR blitz surrounding both the books and their cinematic counterparts.

Others will note that they're just jumping on the immense Fifty Shades bandwagon. After all, it is the "in" movie of the season.

Still others (the male population primarily) will complain that they were just dragged to the movie theater by their respective significant others or barkada (group of buddies) who are rabid Fifty Shades fans.

Then there are those who take the more pa-intellectual route and note that their interest in the movie is merely to create a comparative analysis of the presentation and discourse of sexual domination in cinema vis-a-vis the literary counterparts.

Enraptured. (Photo from DailyMail.co.ok)

C'mon, peeps. Why do we REALLY want to watch Fifty Shades?

Because of the sex scenes, of course!

Those who already watched the movie which debuted in Philippine cinemas (except for the SM movie theaters) last February 11 will probably give you mixed feedback regarding their experiences in watching the movie. The biggest letdown, of course, came in the form of those black blobs that conspicuously showed up on the main characters' private parts during steamy scenes. Quite frustrating, considering that the movie was already given an R-18 rating. Seriously, people 18 years old and up have already seen what has been covered in the movie, at least, in front of a mirror. That's why I don't get the black blobs despite the R-18 rating.

Unfortunately, it was the film's producer, Columbia Pictures, who inserted the blurs and blobs in the hope that a lower rating can be generated from the local movie review board --- an R-16 at least. A rating lower than R-18 means that the film can be allowed to run in SM Mall-owned movie houses. SM Malls, incidentally, have the most number of movie theaters scattered across the country. Despite all efforts, the Movie and Television Review and Classification Board (MTRCB) still went for an R-18 rating despite the blurs and blobs, and the film's chances of being run in any SM Mall went kaput.

However, apparently the SM Mall non-showing is no longer an issue. All the other cinemas are now showing Fifty Shades, and they're benefiting big time from it. (Hahaha, this time, you've been PWND, SM.)

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The story itself is not exactly unique. Quite frankly, I read Mills and Boons books with better plots. My friend, Mignonette, gave me among the best critiques I ever heard about the book: some books, when you finish, you'd love to read again. Fifty Shades isn't one of those books - unless you already bookmarked the sex scenes for those lonely nights when you only have your own hands for company.

Author of the Fifty Shades trilogy, EL James. (Photo from 

EntertainmentWise.com)

You do have to hand it to Fifty Shades author, EL James, for boldly using the taboo concept of S&M (sadomasochism) and integrating it into a typical obnoxiously-rich-and-hot-guy-falls-for-mousy-girl-next-door story. The uncanny mix, despite the corny lines and the apparent lack of research into the real world of BDSM (Those with that kind of fetish are up in arms over EL James' depiction of the deed), turned into an instant hit among women across the world who have never in their dreams thought of reading porn in public until now.

Hollywood just couldn't resist the pull of a potential money earner in Fifty Shades. And they were right. The same women who engaged in reading this so-called "mommy porn" are now falling in line at the theaters, and those too lazy to read now have the chance to find out what the buzz was all about.

Never mind how the actors in the movie were apparently panting and sighing their lines all throughout the movie (I'm just basing this statement on the trailers). They could've casted Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey to play Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele respectively, but the droves of fans would still come to watch the movie.

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Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson as Christian Grey and

Anastasia Steele respectively. (Photo from MarieClaire.co.uk)

In the office, on the streets, online...the common question one would hear is, "Kailan tayo manonood ng Fifty Shades (When are we watching Fifty Shades)?" Even my girl gang from elementary days is marking this on their calendars and setting the sked for our Fifty Shades movie date.

If ever our movie date does push through (As of last FB private messaging, chances of our movie date turning into a dinner date are getting higher, haha), I'm just going to watch it to see how much of the film stayed true to the book, and how the steamy scenes will be executed without going too hardcore. (Erotica-induced imagination can be quite graphic, you know.)

Last I heard from the reviews, the movie ditched the annoying "inner goddess" schtick of Anastasia, thank God! I know that was supposed to be Ana's ego given a place of importance in the book but for goodness' sake, it was utterly annoying!

I'm also wondering if the scene where Christian still has sex with Ana despite her having her period makes it to the movie. That part must be one of the messiest love scenes if ever it did make the cut.

And yes, once again, those blobs of blur.

Well, blobs of blur or not, these apparently aren't stopping the Filipino Fifty Shades fans from trooping to the non-SM movie theaters to have their fill of Christian Grey and Ana Steele in various degrees of undress and positioning.

Yes, Mr. Grey, we will see you now.